It was in September when I took a trip to visit a friend and then attended the doTERRA Convention in Salt Lake City, Utah that I realized how much I needed to start taking care of me. The past year I had been dealing with sickness after sickness wondering if it would one day end. I no longer worked out and it was only shortly before that I had been working out faithfully and was seeing change that I was proud of.
Life in Haiti can change someone. It changed me in so many ways that I could probably write a novel. The first year I was there I went for runs daily, enjoying the mountains that made me want to pass out once I got up them. I had time that I made a priority to read the Bible daily and spend time with my Father. I was enjoying the high of being in a new country and learning like a child again on how to do everything.
Then as time went on, I stopped going for those runs. I stopped caring if my hair was a mess and if I showered that day. It was a struggle to open that Bible and read the truth that would have helped had I just taken the time. I went from a mom of 3 to a mom of 6 that left me completely exhausted. I cried more tears than I knew someone could shed. I had lost myself. I had lost my joy and my passion. I was there physically but mentally I was so far gone.
Now back in Canada I’d like to say that things are easier but they aren’t. I still feel more alone than ever. In my house we deal with Depression, ADHD, Anxiety, Teenage Hormones, and Girl Drama.
So when I talk about how it’s all about me right now, can you understand where I am coming from? How does one deal with all this if they don’t care for themselves? How does one be a good wife when she fights herself to get up each day knowing what her day consist of? How does one be a strong mom when instead she screaming inside and wondering how she failed at being a good mom? And what about those 3 babies she had to leave back in Haiti because they couldn’t come back to Canada with the rest of the family?
Right now taking care of me is the one thing I can change. I’ll go get my hair done, I’ll buy myself some new clothes, and I’ll even shop a little more (and yes I know this stuff doesn’t bring true happiness, but for right now it helps). I’m trying each day to be closer to the Lord to give it all to Him. This girl wants to be a good person in this world. I want to bring smiles to those that need to see one, I want to be that positive person that others know they can go to when they need someone. I want to be love in this world.
So for right now I am going to enjoy this season of Me because I know what it can bring in the future. And I pray that no momma never feels guilty for taking care of herself. We are a strong pillar in this world!